Friday, February 26, 2010

Lit Gods

Loyola College is holding this event, somewhat pretentiously named ‘Lit Gods’. It’s a set of only L and D events, at the national level… it’s apparently their attempt to give L and D its rightful place, and not have us L and D buffs play second fiddle to the cultural chaps and chappies. Nice of them, I suppose… but, as with any Shakespearian (or non-shakespearian, in this case) tragic hero (which here is the aforementioned event) there is a fatal flaw.

It looks like fun… and the prize money is ginormous… but the hitch is, they’ve scheduled it over Thursday, Friday (That’s fine), Saturday (*mild groans*) and (wait for it) Sunday (Yes, I repeat, Sunday.). This, I must say, is plain dumb. Even though we qualified, this is a really busy week for us. There’s no way, we can go in on Saturday and Sunday!!! Ridiculous, Loyola.

Or perhaps it’s all a plot… they want to be sure that MCCians don’t win… aha! I have it all figured out! Bleddy Loyolites! They knew we’re too lazy to get there on a Sunday! And four days consecutively in their dress code… not happening!

That done, I’d like to record the (written) prelims and our answers to the same. I apologise to anyone who reads further.

Write taglines for the following products.

1. 11.Cheta’s Banana Chips

Longer bananas, make crisper chips. Because it’s Cheta’s!

2 . 2.Winnie the Pooh boxers

Makes your Winnie feel more like Pooh! (Sorry, Pooh bear! They made us do it!)

3. 3.Nintendo Violins

Don’t be a non-violinist. Be a Nintendo Violinist!

4. 4.Michael Jackson Coffee

Makes you grab your crotch in joy!

5. 5.Mercedes Maatu Vandi

It’s all bullocks!

6. 6.Nike Condensed Milk

Don’t do it. Just eat it.

7. 7.Tiger Woods Motel

A place to park your wood for the night!

8. 8.Copenhagen clocks

Makes your Hagen tick!

9. 9.Britney’s Spears

Miles bigger than Madonna’s!

10.10.Chetan Bhagat Copyright Lawyers

We can get anyone off!

11.11.There are three matches on a table. How do you make them four without adding another match?

Subtract one and multiply by two. The process of multiplication can be achieved by leaving the two matches alone together. Eventually (In approximately nine months) two more will appear.

Haven’t you heard of twins?

If you have a penchant for drama, leave the third match in with them.

Poor MissMatch.

12. 12.A man called to a waiter in a restraint, “There’s a fly in my tea!” The waiter replied, “I will bring you a fresh cup.” After a few moments, the man called out, “This is the same cup of tea!” How did he know?

The fly in the cup of tea is evidence of the existence of the ‘other’. In the sixth dimension, which our man was familiar with, such a sign had existential consequences.

Besides which, the waiter hadn’t taken away the old and brought a new cup of tea after saying he would do so.

13.13.A man marries twenty women in his village but isn’t charged with polygamy. Why?

He’s a priest (marrying them to other men) OR… he wears sunglasses and a yellow shawl and runs a large family that is the government!

14. 14.An Arab sheikh tells his two sons that they are to race their camels to a distant city to see who will inherit his fortune. The one whose camel arrives last will win. The brothers, after wandering aimlessly for days, ask a wise man for advice. On hearing his advice, they jump on the camels and race as fast as they can to their destination. What could the advice have been?

The advice was to switch camels and get the other brother’s camel to the destination as fast as possible (Hopefully faster than the speed of light).

15.15.In a theatre, which armrest is yours? Justify.

Seat no. 6A, right armrest.

Because number 6 is a perfect number (sum of all its factors except itself)and A is the first letter of the alphabet.

Right, because right alignment is so much more interesting than left alignment. (All those boring official letters.)

16.16.How many roads must a man walk down? Justify.

Four, because if done in the right order and at right angles, he will end up where he started. Or, 42. Because it is the ultimate answer.

18.Where is question number 17? Give an interesting answer.

Question number 17 is not here because she wasn’t let in at the main gate. She wasn’t wearing her dupatta.

19.Three worst answers in a job interview.

“Life principles? Why, Adolf said something, once…”

“Hi, my name is Tiger Woods.”

“Syphillis.”

20.Write a poem with a rhyme scheme AB which describes the weather outside.

The weather outside, makes people die,

And return to their mother ship,

It’s oh, so dry, it makes you fry,

You testosterone laden, Blip!

Such were our moronic answers, to their moronic questions… or something on these general lines.

Can’t claim I didn’t enjoy myself, though. I had a brilliant time. Much better than being in class, so thanks tons for organizing this, Loyola. Why Sunday, though? Why da?

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