Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Masterly inactivity

'Masterly inactivity' is a phrase my father often uses to talk about... well, doing nothing.
But it has some... authoritative connotations to it.
What I'm going to talk about today, however, is doing nothing. Nothing. With a capital 'N'.
To be more specific, doing nothing constructive. That sounds a bit misleading, though. When I say nothing constructive, I mean nothing to add to the general pool of human knowledge. Which may not be such a bad thing. Take a look at the internet. What a scummy pond full of convoluted information... there's so much of it, you can't sift through stuff... you can't tell whether it's information or misinformation... it's mind boggling. So me not adding my two-bits worth, might just make life easier for some who's sifting through this quagmire.
Anyway, point being, when I say nothing constructive, I don't include activities like reading and watching movies in my list of things I'm not doing. To me, they are constructive... but my reading something, doesn't add to the pool...
You get the picture. Right?
You don't?
Well, plod on then.
Hmm... I see you're still plodding. Persistent plodder aren't you?
Anyway... I have spent a week at home doing nothing (as per my definition above)... and I must say it was a thoroughly enjoyable week.
I feel I have found my vocation. And I should like to carry on in this vein for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately, in the course of this wonderful week of nothing, nothing and more nothing, I thought a thought. Which depresses me.
In order to continue doing the kind of nothing I enjoy, I must posess a few things. Namely: A supply of food, a house, electricity, cooking gas and utensils, a computer with an internet connection, an inexhaustible supply of books, cable TV, a DVD player, a telephone and a large fluffy bed.
In order to obtain all this, I require the root of all evil: money. Therefore, I must either work or obtain money by criminal means. Either case involves my doing the kind of something that I dislike. Also my total inability to lie convincingly would make for a very bad criminal. Therefore I have no choice but to do 'honest' work. Bleah.
Still plodding? Boy, are you jobless.
So. Here is a list of things I consider 'nothing'.
Cooking with lots of garlic and coriander.
Eating out with family and family friend and getting completely drunk thanks to family friend. Did I mention that said family friend was German? Ah, you see, now, don't you?
Checking Facebook.
Doing Facebook quizzes.
Watching movies.
Re-reading old books and feeling melancholy.
Talking on the telephone.
Going over stuff you already know by way of studying.
Looking up stuff on the net, like what exactly the staff of Aesculapius was.
Still reading this? I have nothing more to say.

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